When we were in the design phases of our Ground Zero website, it was really important to Lex and I to be able to provide an aspect of discipleship through a blog. We both love to write, we both love to teach and encourage people, it was a no-brainer.
As we drew closer and closer to a website launch, Matt, our amazing and incredibly patient designer asked half a dozen times for a blog post, so the site could go up with one in place. Between the two of us, Alexis and I, we couldn’t get it done. There just didn’t seem to be the time or energy to get into the headspace required to put something of value out, for either of us.
We contemplated something good enough, something generic, if you will, and that was a no go. If we can’t do it well, we won’t do it at all. We contemplated an AI run, and that felt wrong in every way imaginable. I don’t know if God will honor something that doesn’t come directly from my heart but I’m not going to chance it, not even for a second.
I actually had this great message outlined on ‘Feed My Sheep’ and discipleship is super important to us, so it seemed like the perfect first blog entry. But, every time I tried to put substance between the outline points, it was just falling flat. I thought I had writer’s block. Then, I realized that even though the message was good, really good actually, what it wasn’t, was anointed. It was missing the oil. You ever try to cook something without a little oil in the pan .. it’s a dry, crispy disaster. My first blog post was a dry, crispy disaster.
Let me be transparent. Because I’m not even close to being a perfect person with a perfect life. I have struggles and my most recent struggle, is my schedule. I’ve always been a busy person, there’s not a ton of down time in my world. My mother has told me for my entire life that I ‘have too much on my plate’. I mean, she was kind of right. I had to learn (the hard way) to rest. God had to teach me that rest was a commandment, like thou shall not murder (Exodus 20:8-11, look that one up!). So my first thought was … am I too busy? Pastor John Nuzzo’s voice was echoing in my head, “if you’re too busy, then you’re too busy”.
Friends, you may find this absurd, but I had to buy a planner for the first time in my entire life. I was always very blessed, all through high school, college, parenthood, and a 30+ year career, with a filing cabinet in my brain. I didn’t need calendars, notes, or planners it was all in my biological rolodex. Maybe I’m getting older and the filing system is getting a bit rusty or maybe balancing full time work, full time home, full time ministry was finally just too much … was I too busy??
So, I did what any normal girl in my position would do and I fretted about it for two weeks. How was I going to keep up? How was I going to balance all of the things? Is there an end to chaos in sight? Am I going to crash and burn?
Ever been there?
Gotta work cause we gotta eat. Gotta do the dishes, do the laundry …shower. There are bills to pay and people to care for. There’s a call on my life and a purpose for me to fulfill, that I’ve GOT to live out. I think for women especially the balance is brutal at times, our spouses need us, our children need us, our friends and family need us and carving time out for ourselves and even for God sometimes is a real challenge.
And after beating myself up for two weeks, I decided maybe I should sit down and have a chat with Jesus, how novel right?
Lord, here’s the problem … I can’t fix this schedule. I’m gonna need you to take it and maybe give me your peace in return? I cannot continue to do all of these things at the cost of the writing gift that I know you gave me in the first place. I won’t. Show me how to fix this. I’d love that.
That’s about when the scriptures started flooding my brain, because if you don’t know it, this is how Jesus talks back, through his word and the Holy Spirit that’s living inside of you:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
Above all, constantly seek God’s kingdom and his righteousness, then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly. Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself. ~ Matthew 6:33-34 (that’s the Passion translation, I LOVE it)
I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. ~ John 14:27
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, he is my God, and I trust him. ~ Psalms 91:1-2
Now, my schedule didn’t magically get better … but my approach to it sure did. Turns out that it wasn’t my schedule that was out of order, but simply my priorities. I was so busy running from thing to thing, that I was starting to lose sight of the most important thing; His presence in my every day, every moment, every challenge.
I took a deep breath that day and refocused. Somehow the dirty dishes in the sink weren’t as accusing as they were earlier in the day. I wasn’t as overwhelmed or as exhausted, but nothing in my physical world had really changed. And that’s the beauty of what Jesus does in the lives of his followers. He doesn’t promise perfection, he doesn’t promise pain free … he promises His presence.
Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. ~ Matthew 28:20
Ok Lord, but what about this blog post???
Child, how about you stop trying to be spiritual and just write about your struggle, my grace is all over that.
And so it is … his grace and my first blog problems.